I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
