im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
