No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
