DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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