just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
