and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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