The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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