let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
