you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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