I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
