Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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