Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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