I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
