your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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