she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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