last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
