Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
