Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
