theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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