this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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