i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
