I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
