So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
