I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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