Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have post one night stand depression
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
