You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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