...so i touched it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
