You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
