you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
