Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
