bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
