M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
