I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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