mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
