I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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