Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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