fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
