jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
