Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
