Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
