I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
