I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
