end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
