So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sober January is a disaster.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
