Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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