he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
