Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
where am i from again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
