I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
