before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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