I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
