Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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