Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
