He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
