What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
