we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
